Truth about Love

True love... is the most beautiful words...
Only that in real life,
When true love isn't paid with equal amount,
It'll become a dark hole consuming every meaning of your life.
Every beauty things people saw in life got it's dark side.
People just denying it's existence, and live like as they were in a fairy tales.

Endless

Before i met her...
I was just like what others did,
Hanging out with peoples i barely knew,
Spending all my money without counting,
Dating and fucking a woman 7 years older,
Pretty much a random life.

And she was just about like another girl i'm going to date and let go,
Until i saw what life really is in her.
I made a choice for myself,
I stop what others normally did,
I did what others didn't.

When my family disagree with my decisions,
I choose her and live a poor life.
After we're married, i knew she was in pain.
My family had no choice but to accept her,
I know what she felt.
Then the day she couldn't hold it anymore,
I choose to take the blame, made another moves to cover what really happened.

We decided to rent a house,with just enough money to afford, our lives become harder, but i saw smiles and happiness on her face.
I did what i had to, she did what she had to.
Until the moment i stepped on a stone,and fall.
I got up, but it's a domino's falling, and no one is there to help me getting it all up how it was again.

Everyone look down at me, but the only thing that makes me sad is,
She gave up on me while i'm still trying so hard put all the dominoes back how the way it was.
That was a year ago when i lost my life, my heart, my future, my point of living.
But i still got my responsibility to do, i could still live to see my son grow, accompany him, anything.
Until i knew a month ago she decided to take him away to place i couldn't see him anymore.

I never regret all this time for what i choose,what i did,and what is the outcome.
Some may understand what i wrote,some may not.
I'm tired of typing,i guess this is last verse of my life last chapter's.

Didn't they shine

She promised you stars
Like you read on her pages,
All of the tinsel and the company of strangers.
The fear that you came with,
You thought you’d escaped it...
But even while breaking, You could still be persuaded.

Looking out...across the lights, Until the morning...
Oh, but didn’t they shine...
Like the night sky,
And didn’t they shine,
Like thee hazy daybreak, Like champagne and heartbreak.

Happy Birthday

Dear my love...Happy birthday...
I bought you a cake so you can celebrate with our son...
You didn't open the door for me...

For your happiness, I've been agreeing to divorce, to let you free from me.
I did what you told me to, not to bother you anymore.
But is it wrong to buy you cake when it is your birthday ?

On my birthday...I was celebrating with painkillers,
Waiting for you, to call, to text, to be online on messenger, or anything.
But you didn't show up, but it's fine,i made a wish,but that wish didn't come true.

It's not the cake that matter...I didn't need you to love me back,
I just wanted to care about you, to protect you, But why you hated me so much...

People told me, you had someone already.
I cried that day, but it didn't stop me from loving you still.
When i haven't met you,i was playing so many girls.
But the day you cried when i didn't care anything about you.
That day, i saw a girl...crying for really loved me.
And that day is the day, i swear to myself to stop my adults life.
And i promised myself to love you forever.

Even that i hated my own religion.
I'm a Christian, i  married only for once, love only for one.
I pray tonight, for your safety...for your happiness that you always wanted...
Happy Birthday , Christin Novia , The only person that i cared in this world.
I love you.

Things i haven't tell you

In my eyes,you are the most beautiful.

With just a smile,you can make me dazed.

Could it be i'm too ignorant.

The smiles gone,the distance exists,and happiness goes too

Perharps it's really because there's no longer a trusting bond between us.

Really wanted to say with you i'm happy,

Really wanted to say my heart is yours,

Really wanted to say you've really misunderstood,

Really wanted to say you've forgotten,

That my heart is yours.

That feeling,won't go away.

I'll love you till the end.

Bible

Cursed be the ground for our sake.
Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for us.
For out of the ground we were taken, for the dust we are...
and to the dust we shall return.

My view

People asking me for a walk,
But they never knew why mostly i decline.
They had no idea,how large is my fear,
to saw you between the crowds with another man,
Why i never catch up,when they talk about beauty girls,
that just about passed us,
Is that i don't even dare to look on anyone because of you.

When i stayed alone,you keep spinning around my head,
Crippling all my sanity bit by bit.

It's funny...how a single woman like you,
Can create me a whirlpool,and never got out.
But when i think about it...maybe i was the one,
who hasn't give my love with all my might,
So i got this curse on me,to let me learn how painful it was for you,
All this time...

That day,
When you said you wanted a divorce,
You have no idea how many tears i dropped,
And how it feels to cry in reality while dreaming,
It's painful,so much,that no ones can wonder.

Maybe everyone is questioning,
How is that even possible,
Yes,it is possible,by a lot to me...
But i got the solution,taking sleeping pills so i won't have a dream.

I just...dig too deep...
I forgot to make stairs way up,
I got left in the hole i dug myself
And what's left in this empty hole,is just me and darkness void of world.