Happy Birthday

Dear my love...Happy birthday...
I bought you a cake so you can celebrate with our son...
You didn't open the door for me...

For your happiness, I've been agreeing to divorce, to let you free from me.
I did what you told me to, not to bother you anymore.
But is it wrong to buy you cake when it is your birthday ?

On my birthday...I was celebrating with painkillers,
Waiting for you, to call, to text, to be online on messenger, or anything.
But you didn't show up, but it's fine,i made a wish,but that wish didn't come true.

It's not the cake that matter...I didn't need you to love me back,
I just wanted to care about you, to protect you, But why you hated me so much...

People told me, you had someone already.
I cried that day, but it didn't stop me from loving you still.
When i haven't met you,i was playing so many girls.
But the day you cried when i didn't care anything about you.
That day, i saw a girl...crying for really loved me.
And that day is the day, i swear to myself to stop my adults life.
And i promised myself to love you forever.

Even that i hated my own religion.
I'm a Christian, i  married only for once, love only for one.
I pray tonight, for your safety...for your happiness that you always wanted...
Happy Birthday , Christin Novia , The only person that i cared in this world.
I love you.

Things i haven't tell you

In my eyes,you are the most beautiful.

With just a smile,you can make me dazed.

Could it be i'm too ignorant.

The smiles gone,the distance exists,and happiness goes too

Perharps it's really because there's no longer a trusting bond between us.

Really wanted to say with you i'm happy,

Really wanted to say my heart is yours,

Really wanted to say you've really misunderstood,

Really wanted to say you've forgotten,

That my heart is yours.

That feeling,won't go away.

I'll love you till the end.

Bible

Cursed be the ground for our sake.
Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for us.
For out of the ground we were taken, for the dust we are...
and to the dust we shall return.

My view

People asking me for a walk,
But they never knew why mostly i decline.
They had no idea,how large is my fear,
to saw you between the crowds with another man,
Why i never catch up,when they talk about beauty girls,
that just about passed us,
Is that i don't even dare to look on anyone because of you.

When i stayed alone,you keep spinning around my head,
Crippling all my sanity bit by bit.

It's funny...how a single woman like you,
Can create me a whirlpool,and never got out.
But when i think about it...maybe i was the one,
who hasn't give my love with all my might,
So i got this curse on me,to let me learn how painful it was for you,
All this time...

That day,
When you said you wanted a divorce,
You have no idea how many tears i dropped,
And how it feels to cry in reality while dreaming,
It's painful,so much,that no ones can wonder.

Maybe everyone is questioning,
How is that even possible,
Yes,it is possible,by a lot to me...
But i got the solution,taking sleeping pills so i won't have a dream.

I just...dig too deep...
I forgot to make stairs way up,
I got left in the hole i dug myself
And what's left in this empty hole,is just me and darkness void of world.

I'm crazy

Psychology
Academic field that studies the human mind and behavior.
And i think i'm learning it,but i'm turning into psycopath.
"They don't follow any life plan,
and it seems as if they are incapable of
experiencing any genuine emotion."
Well if that's the description of first stage, I'm sure i'm in that one.

"Father,Hallowed be your name,Your Kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread,
And forgive us our sins,And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil."

Yeah i said that prayer ,like a hundred times.
But you don't even lead me into temptation.
You didn't give me a choice except to accept it.
I'm still sane,at this moment anyway.
Make sure You prepared someone to kill me
When i'm fully turned into a psychopath.
For i will bring hell if You don't.

Faraway

Loving you,is it wrong ?
Why must i receive this much punishment
The words they said is like pricking a needle into my heart
The fear inside my heart
I don't know what must be done to let it go

I've already felt tired
I can only think to sleep in your arms
Don't care what is wrong in others sight anymore
The truth and the false in our story
I have no more power to differentiate them

You don't know that sadness of mine
You have pushed my caution far away
I know that one day you will realize
The person who truly loves you has been receiving sorrow alone

Burden

Mi...pi ane rindu sama mi...
Pi rindu sama Leon n mimi...
Pi ane capek liau...
Pi cuma mau tidur di pelukan mi...

Maafin pi ya udah hancurin semuanya...
Always take care mi...
I love you...